Hurting for my family...

I'm hurting for my family today. I wish I could be there to hold and hug them and comfort them. But I am not, I am far away, and while talking on the phone is one thing its a whole other to be there in person for them. Its amazing how much damage the past can be to the present. While deciding that the past is just that, the past, is a wonderful idea and great thing to do, it is so hard to accomplish sometimes. But don't give up! It can be done. I wish I could undo the hurts of the past, I wish I could make them see that its not worth giving up on, but, I don't ever know the right words to say. I try to make it better but sometimes I think I make it worse. Its hard to watch your family fall apart. What can I do to keep it together?

Happy St. Patricks Day!

Happy St. Patricks Day! My second favorite holiday! I love it!

May your troubles be less
And your Blessings be more
And nothing but happiness
Come through your door.

Its not a holiday that you have to spend all kinds of money buying things for people(that will usually get tossed aside after a few hours anyway). You don't have to spend money on Chocolates and cards, on flowers that die. Your not taking candy from strangers. Your not stuffing your face with anything and everything that is on the table. (Ok maybe some of us do that no matter what holiday or day it is.) Anyway... I think its great! Sláinte!!

Moving Time

Although I love traveling with all my heart. I do not feel the same way about moving. Unless I could just start all over every time I moved... Which I have done before and its not very green and it can be pretty expensive. And packing up the house is not fun either, its amazing how much junk you can accumulate in one year! But I am moved into the new place... Now I just have to do the not so fun part of putting everything in its new home.

Songs...

I LOVE music! I listen to all kinds of genres of music. I HATE it when the person sings of how they wont hurt you and never break your heart (some even say that they'll never make you cry)... HA HA HA. Thats love, no matter how much you love someone I think it is inevitable that at sometime during your relationship your gonna get hurt. Its not always intentional (though sometimes it is). And your GONNA cry. I love my husband fiercely, but we fight , we cry (ok I cry), we hurt, but we go on and in the end we are stronger for it!

Rape.

My job gives me ALOT of time to think. And last night I was thinking of something my dad told me all my growing up years, he said that women who got raped usually wanted it because of the way they dressed. And until last night I had never really given it much thought. When I got dressed the morning of the day that I was raped, I never had it in my head that by putting on the fitted skirt and tight shirt that I wanted to be abused and raped by anyone. I think that excuse that my dad gave me was one of the most STUPID and idiotic and sexist things he could have ever told me, and Lord knows he told me a heap of both sexist and stupid things. Its just a huge copout for men to have an excuse to rape a women because she is wearing something somewhat revealing. I don't think there is a single soul out there who would want to be raped. Its a horrible, ugly, terrifying thing to have happen to you. And then after I told him what had happened to me he asked me why I didn't do this or why I didn't do that, After your raped, all that goes through your head is why didn't I stab him in the eye with the pen on the end table, or why didn't I pick up that vase and smash it over his head. Then to have someone asking you why you didn't do this or that its overload, all you do after your raped is blame yourself and think that its all your fault. When all that should have happened was him listening to me when I said No or Stop.

Emotions

I have always been a little more emotional than the next person. I was always one who cried during sappy chick flicks, (I think it all started with My Girl) but these days it seems I have become alot more emotional. (And I'm not pre menopausal or PMSing). Tears start to well up at almost anything, things that are heartwarming, that are sad, that are uplifting. I felt the tears coming watching the commercials that they have been playing on tv for the upcomming 2008 Summer Olympics. The one that show the runner who gets hurt and Morgan Freeman is talking saying how he didn't finish 1st or 2nd, 3rd or even 4th, (and you see his dad run out to help him) him and his dad finished dead last but he finished. And the one with Kerri Strug gets me too. Maybe its just Morgan Freemans voice or the fact that I watched and cheered for Kerri Strug as she made that winning vault. The Eric Clapton song "Tears in Heaven" has always brought tears to my eyes but lately it seems along with the welling tears I get that choking knot in my throat as well. You would think that the older I got and the more life that I have witnessed the less emotional I would be, but sometimes even watching the news makes me cry.